Mr, Mrs, and Ms

Teaching French-speaking teenagers recently, I was momentarily surprised when they started to call me Mister. Then I remembered that in French the word monsieur can be used like sir in American English. It doesn’t need to come before a surname, like Mister in English, so most students refer to their male teachers as Monsieur, as we use Sir in English. But they of course understandably translated monsieur to mister.

We use sir to refer to a teacher in most varieties of English too, but not to refer to a man in general when we don’t know his name. It’s only really used in that way in American English.

Mister though, is used in basically the same way in every form of English, as the standard honorific for an adult male. Isn’t it curious though, that for women there are three honorifics: Miss, Ms, and Mrs?

Before the early 20th century, things were a little more symmetrical. For women, there was Miss for single and young women, and Mrs for married women. Married men were of course called Mr, and young or single men went by Master. In time, Master came to be used just for young boys, and then not at all.

That’s why I found it so odd when watching the 1960s Batman TV programme on weekend mornings as a child (in the late 80s and early ’90s, so you’re not mistaken about my vintage!) I didn’t understand at first why Alfred called Batman Master Wayne: he was his butler, not his slave! Only later did I realise it was because he was single.

I think it’s a sign of the inherent sexism of much of our language that Miss and Mrs lived on while Master fell by the wayside. It shows how women were so defined by marriage that we changed their honorific on getting married. Men however, get to be Mr regardless of their status. They didn’t have to change their lives on getting married: only women had to.

This definition of women in terms of their marital status is one of the main reasons Ms came into usage. Another motivation was of course the simple awkwardness in trying to guess whether a woman was married or not, and then use the right honorific, when addressing her. Interestingly, this lack in the language was identified at least as far back as the 17th century, when Ms first came into use. It didn’t last long then, but calls for its revival increase in the 20th century, and in the 1960s it began to be fairly common.

We can have more mundane issues with honorifics. We’ve all probably sat before an unstarted email wondering how to address the other person. In general, honorifics have fallen out of favour, but still: if you know someone’s name, but don’t really know them, should you use their first name, or Mr/Ms? What if they have a title like Doctor or Professor?

It all depends on the individual of course, so there’s no easy answer. But the rule of thumb is that if you’re replying to them, you should use the same manner of address they used in their first email.

I find this very interesting in French, because French speakers don’t use first names as freely as we do. If you don’t know someone very well, you generally continue using Monsieur (M.) and Madame (Mme: no equivalent of Ms in French). I occasionally get work-related emails in English from French speakers, and in trying to figure out all the variables in how to address me (don’t forget Dear/Hello/Hi), they usually settle for a simple Hello with no name (I think the idea is that it’s not too formal, not too casual).

It’s probably best not to think about all this too much, as I feel that in the future we’ll do away with honorifics, and things will be much simpler.

12 thoughts on “Mr, Mrs, and Ms

  1. Interesting note on the sexism of honorifics. Although, I’m left wondering if men aren’t the ones who are harmed by not having a change of title. After all, isn’t it a distinction, and one we should be proud of (assuming we still value marriage)? “Master” might come off as a bit overbearing nowadays, but I wouldn’t be opposed to bringing some form of single male distinction back into the fold.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m sure most people who get married definitely still value it , and have no problem changing their title. And I’m sure many men would be happy to change theirs. I still think though that the fact men never had to change their title on getting married shows that in the past, their life didn’t change when they got married, whereas for most women it was definitely a big change.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It really annoys me that people are able to make judgements about my marital status in the (eg) doctors surgery or optician, whereas the blokes are all lumped together. Ms doesn’t help, as the other two titles are still there and it carries its own baggage (as, it seems, do I!).

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Wow, this has been a really eye opening blog for me. I remember the old movie ‘To Sir With Love’ (still very popular in the US, at least among teachers). I never realized that ‘Sir’ was the actual correct way to address a male teacher in the UK! I thought Sir was his funky nickname because the kids loved him! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Love this blog! And yes, our language is full of sexist terms and slang. I’ve been planning on addressing it on The Fairy Godwriter. Some of the phrases people use offhand (even the most progressive people) come across as borderline misogynist. It needs to stop.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It really is saddening when you think about it, and not confined to English. So many languages use the plural male form when referring to mixed-mixed-gender groups. And French still has male and female forms for all jobs and titles. Even with new words, like blogueur/blogueuse, and even youtubeur/youtubeuse!


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